This was my experience not long ago. Picture this…
It’s my day for a meeting with my coach and I have to tell her I haven’t done much writing on my book in the last two weeks. I am feeling guilty and mentally beating myself up. I feel badly about yesterday for allowing one person to keep me on the phone for 3 hours, and it was for nothing more than a feel-good-entertainment type of call for her. And I was not honest with her. I was tired of being on the phone and wanted to hang up on her for the last two and a half hours of the call, yet couldn’t bring myself to tell her that I had to go.
Then guess what happened after I got off the phone? Did I jump in and do the things I supposedly wanted to do during the time I was on the phone? Of course not! I did something else instead that wasn’t even on my ‘to-do’ list, let alone a high priority. Why? I felt defeated. I had lost concentration, consideration, and respect for me. By this time I felt that the day was wasted and I had no one to blame but myself. Why didn’t I just say what I was thinking to the long-winded caller? Why do I still have setbacks where I allow other people to control my time and schedule? What makes me have days like these when I revert back to my old ways of giving up my power?
Can you relate with any of this? Or do you have your sh*t together?
Did you see how I said “other” people are doing it to me? Actually, I have done this to myself. I have as much control over hanging up the phone as any of my callers do. So why do I want to blame them? Am I a people-pleaser, or is it me who wants to talk more than I want to listen and I’m just aggravated when they are still talking when I’m finished? These are questions I have been asking myself in order to establish a resolution.
Are you at a point in your life when you are ready to make a significant shift? Are you feeling that there is so much more to be, do, and have; and you are being held back from all that you are capable of doing, even if it’s YOU who is holding you back? Do you feel it’s an issue too big for you? Have you tried reaching out and asking for help? I felt this exact same way and I realized I needed help.
I began by praying.
Here are some ideas that worked for me:
My first request was asking for clarity. I had been in giving mode for so long taking care of the needs of others that I no longer knew what I wanted. This required considerable thought, writing lists, and making many changes in the process of clearing. I’m creating the imagery that I have been looking for to get the clarity I need to continue my journey. I pray… and I move my feet at the same time.
My second request was asking God to show me how to achieve what I wanted. This was more challenging than I expected because it required some “receiving” on my part. I had the “giving” down pat, but the other half of that equation I needed to work on. It also required creating space for the new. “Letting go” of that which I cannot control still has its grip on me. I struggle with it, yet I’m becoming stronger. I’m feeling better as things fall out of my life and I’m creating space for new.
My third request was asking for help and this was so much bigger than anything I was capable of with my mindset. This hurdle required Divine help and Spiritual guidance. I asked for help and I received the perfect coaches for my needs at this time. They are here to provide encouragement, support, guidance, and direction, but it’s up to me to do the work. It is up to me to change the way my life has been going into a new direction that will result in what I’ve been asking for to come to fruition. It’s up to me to accomplish the things I desire to be, do, and have. As my coaches give me guidance, they are also teaching me to receive so I, in turn, can give.
My fourth prayer was not a request but an offering of gratitude. With it I realized all that I had been receiving with my prayers. God is what I call my Divine, Spiritual Source and who I pray to. My gratitude prayer sounds something like this:
“Thank you for the encouragement and staying with me. Thank you for carrying me when I fall and thinking I need to give up. Thank you for sending support my way, and blessing those for what they do for others. Thank you God! I love You. Thank You for loving me all the time and through all my lapses.”
May your journey be filled with blessings and fruitful ventures.
Peace and Love,
Mary Dirksen LLC